


Brooding Angels

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama/Romance, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 06:07:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair feels te need to move on from Cascade, and it's tearing him and Jim up inside</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brooding Angels

 

 

Warning.....this bit contains implied male/male relations and more....it is not  
meant to be read by people under 18, or people without an open mind. If either  
applies to you.....go play elsewhere, the adults want to talk.

Disclaimer:  
These characters were never mine, aren't mine, and never will be. *small sob*  
Although what I make them do was thought up by me and mother nature. Blair  
Sandburg, Jim Ellison, Capt.Banks, and the name and ideas behind Sentinel  
belong to Paramount and PetFly Productions. I make no money of this and no one  
else does either. No copyright infringement was intended. I promise to return  
them in practically new condition.

## Brooding Angels

by Redskirts  


Sitting backwards on the couch, leaning over the back and staring out the window-- Blair sat. He was so still he could have been a statue with. A draft from the window edge cooled the skin along the arm he rested his head on. There was no real expression on his face, from what Ellison could see of it in profile....just the far away look of a daydreamer. Jim stood in the open loft door and just watched him. Sandburg hadn't noticed his arrival, and he took the moment to just study the young guide in his quiet glory. 

He glows, Jim thought. His hair, his skin, his eyes....he glows. I can feel him from here, and could without my Sentinel abilities. My guide, my friend, mine.....just mine. Ellison smiled to himself and glowed himself. His heart was full and he wanted to cry, sing, laugh-- all at once. His little one...... 

Blair sighed like on unhappy in his thoughts, and startled when Jim's hand fell on his shoulder. "Something wrong, darling?" Jim was concerned, which touched Blair....but he was slightly annoyed. 

"You could give an indication your here ya'know. I get sneaked up on a lot." He tried to keep a stern face, but Jim's look of guilt wiped it away. "I was kidding, man. Sheesh....never take me seriously. I didn't mea..." Jim hushed him with a kiss. 

"What's wrong, little man? Why were you daydreaming? Hmmm?" 

"I don't know....I was just letting my mind wander. I wasn't thinking of concrete things, just abstract feelings." 

"Why did you sigh? It was like the breath emptying all out of you." Blair smiled. Jim's speech patterns changed when he was in a cozy mood. It was like he was trying to say poetry as normal speech, but not knowing what words to use. 

"It's a damp, misty day. It's dark outside from the clouds......my belly's full, I'm warm....it's low lit in here.....I'm just content." 

"You didn't sound content." He pulled the lithe body into him. Blair settled into his side, but still hung over the couch back. Jim lightly ran his hand up and down Blair's back. Sandburg had returned to his thoughts though. "Hey lover. Talk to me." 

"I just felt......sad." 

"Why?" 

"I don't know. I'm restless. I want to go outside and walk....but I want to just walk and keep going. I don't know why.....it's just a feeling." Jim digested this for a moment. 

"Can you identify where it's coming from?" Blair shrugged. "Well babe.....I'm trying to figure out why you'd be thinking like that." 

"It's not important....I'm not going anywhere. Just forget it." He moved to get of the couch, but Jim stopped him. 

"Hon, stay....we need to talk about this. Why would you want me to not figure out what's wrong?" Again Blair just shrugged. Jim titled his chin to face him. He waited until Blair looked him in the eye. "You are the first thing I think of in the morning, and the last thing at night. You are so important to me. If you feel trapped by that-- I need to know." 

Panic then. "I don't feel trapped! If I where to just keep walking....I'd wait 'til you could join me." 

"Then what are you saying, little one." 

"I don't know.....just....I love you...." 

"And?" 

"I wouldn't leave because of you." 

"Then what's this about? Help me out here." 

"I just feel restless. That's all." 

"With us?" 

"No...not with us. Just in general." 

"You're not bored with us....just how us is...are...whatever..." 

"No....us has nothing to do with it." Blair was becoming frustrated. "Can we just drop this. It's stupid and it's nothing." 

"Stop that!" Jim ordered shaking Blair slightly. "I hate it when you just give up on explaining yourself. You're like a pit bull to me, but a clam when it's your turn." He pulled Blair closer, tucking the shaggy head under his chin. He kissed the fine curls feeling the warmth escaping there. 

Sandburg's voice, muffled and soft, vibrated on his throat. "I'm sorry, Jim. I'm really sorry. It's not us though. I'm happy with you and me. I love waking up in your bed, all warm and loved. I love the pet names, quick touches, being looked after. And I love waiting for you to get home....or, or making you dinner, and massaging a stiff neck. I love the thought and reality of us as a couple-- just as much as I love you. Me being restless has nothing to do with that." 

"Okay....then what does it mean? And what does it mean to our lives? How do I make you not restless?" 

"I'm just used to traveling, and moving about. This is the longest I've ever been with someone, and the most committed.....but it's also the longest time I've spent in one place. I feel stagnant. So still." 

"And us?" 

"I feel scared." 

"Why?" 

"I might screw this up trying to move about......getting feeling back....ya know?" Jim thought that over. 

"How can I help?" 

"You can't. I love you for wanting to help. But you can't just fix this. I need to get used to being just here. I'm not some world hopping kid anymore." 

Jim didn't like what he was thinking at that moment. Dark thoughts. If Blair cut off his hand would he be happy? No. If Blair cut off his wander-lust for Jim's sake, would he be happy? No. Wild flowers withered and rare animals suffered for their space. He couldn't do that to Blair......and Blair couldn't be allowed to do that to himself. 

"Lover....." His thought was cut off by an errant tongue softly licking his adam's apple. Warmth flashed through his body. 

"No more brooding tonight, Jim. I just want to make love to you." Jim lifted his guide up into his arms, and carried him upstairs. Later. He would make Blair see reason later. If he had to, he'd sell the loft and buy a mobile home.....he'd sell his soul if he had to. He just wouldn't let Blair wither away.   
  


* * *

Blair woke first. He was trapped under the heavy weight of Jim's leg, but he was too restless to stay in bed any longer. He slowly tried to pull him self off the bed-- he knew it a fruitless gesture. Ellison was awake instantly. 

"Wha..." 

"Sorry, man. I was just trying to get up. It's only 7pm, and if I sleep now...I won't later. Ya know?" Jim sat up, still half asleep. He half watched Blair get dressed before coming to fully. 

"You hungry, Chief? We could go out." 

"Nah. I have some papers to go over," he answered dully. He was hoping Jim would just forget before, and he wanted to make an escape while he could. 

"Then I'll make dinner. Pasta, salad....you pick." 

"I'm not really hungry." 

"At least work out at the table so we can talk." Jim knew Blair was trying to get out of his sight in the hopes Ellison would forget before. 

"All my stuff is in my room...." 

"Then at least wait until we've had a chance to talk about when I got in." Blair stilled. After a moment, Jim reached out a hand to the younger man's shoulder. "C'mon, little one......" 

"Can't we just drop it?" Blair asked forlornly. 

"You know I can't. Do you think I get a kick out of knowing you're upset?" 

"We can hash this out later." 

"When? After you've grown too restless to stay?" 

"I wouldn't leave you." 

"Maybe not physically....but it's your spirit that attracts me, and I'm not going to let you kill that." Blair just got up and walked down stairs. "Blair, don't walk away from this." 

"I'm not!" He yelled up from downstairs. Jim sighed and fell back into his pillows. Round one to the childish professor. Ellison knew nothing would get accomplished tonight. Blair was determined to be alone in his feelings, and Jim would have to find a way to approach from a different angle. If lovers only came with instruction manuals, Jim thought. Yeah, but knowing my luck--Blair's would be written in an unknown foreign language. 

He reasoned he could keep Blair at the loft forever if he really wanted too. But he knew the wanderlust was too strong, and Blair would resent the entrapment. Sex last night had been just that. Sex. It had been mechanical on Blair's part. Jim knew it would just get worse. He envisioned them like the married couples he saw while driving-- Each one looking out the window, never talking to their partner. Together and alone until they died. He knew he didn't want that to be him and Blair.   
  


* * *

The next day in his office, Blair contemplated his life with Jim. He loved Jim, to be sure. He loved being part of a couple with Jim. All the domestic stuff was sort of comforting in a way Blair only was now realizing. His turmoil was wanting to go off-- but still hold on to the feeling of permanence. He sighed. 

What would be great would be if he could get Jim to go off on a study to some jungle. Just the two of them wandering around in the heat....seeing all sorts of bizarre things....making love in places so green, you could feel the color inside you. Cascade was gray, and crowded, and old, and boring. He needed to be able to breath....and he couldn't do it here. But he couldn't imagine taking breath without Jim by his side. He couldn't imagine himself without Jim period. 

Just a year.....if we could leave for just a year. Then maybe I wouldn't mind staying in smelly ole' Cascade, Blair thought. Maybe. 

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. "C'mon in. The door's unlocked." He was only mildly surprised when Jim slunk in. Ellison liked to chase down problems and wring them until dead. He'd follow around Blair until he agreed to talk about this. He just wished he could explain it in a way that Ellison could understand-- a way where he wouldn't get that 'I'm hurting but hiding it' look. 

"Hey, man. Braving the wilds of academia. What do I owe this honor?" Blair asked somewhat cheerfully. 

Jim half-smiled. Sandburg knew damn well why he was here. "I'm here to visit my lover. Have you seen him by chance?" Blair smiled and wiggled his brows. 

"Right here, big guy," he said spreading his arms open. 

Jim switched gears. "You?" *snort* "My lover is a sweet young man who trusted me with his heart and soul. You won't even talk to me about what your feeling." 

A hurt look crossed Blair's face. 

"That was harsh." He said, his eyes darkening, his face coloring. 

"I know, but you weren't responding to me being tender." *sigh* "I need to know what's going on in that head of yours." He reached out and ran a hand through Blair's hair. "I love you so much, and if there's anyway I can make you happy.....I'd do it. I'm not going to let you just slip away. I can't afford to lose part of my soul. I don't want to go back to being Jim sans Blair. I want you, and more importantly...I need you. And I don't mean like a Sentinel needs his Guide. I just need *you*." 

Blair promised himself that he would never let himself be so emotional in front of Jim-- and he was kicking himself for it. But a tear slipped out from one closed eye, and his breath hitched. Damn you, Jim Ellison. And damn me too. 

"Where's my lover?" Jim asked quietly. Blair moved from his chair to Jim's arms. "I'm right here, love. I've always been here."   
  


* * *

On their way to the truck, Blair held on to Jim's hand possessively. Mine, he's mine. He's in my hand. He can't go anywhere. "Where are we going?" He hummed a long tuneless note. 

"The park. I picked up subs from the deli. I hope you're still eating cheese this week. I can never tell....I should just ask what you're willing to eat each day, since the list keeps changing." 

"I'm not that bad." 

"Baby, you won't eat half the stuff in the fridge as it is." Blair rolled his eyes. "I mean....would it kill you to eat a hotdog?" 

"It could in the long run." Jim groaned, and chuckled. This was what had been missing. The give and take they had. It was the little odd ball comments he missed. Ellison glanced over at his lover. Blair had withdrawn into his head. At least he still let's me hold on to his hand. 

This feels wrong. Why can't I just say, 'Jim I hate it here...let's pull up roots and take off.' I want him to accept me warts and all, and I can't bear to tell him what I'm feeling. I'm pathetic. How can he stand this. I'm playing all the mind games I despise. 

They were quiet on the ride to the park. Blair stared out his window. Jim watched the road. Cars slipped by them at varying speeds, and entire dramas unfolded on the sidewalks. Yet even looking at them, both men took no notice. They just existed side-by-side, never really connecting. Only the pain of holding in tears told them they were alive. 

This sandwich tastes like cardboard, Jim thought. Not really, he reasoned.....I just can't get past everything else to taste it. He glanced at Blair, noticing his intense study of a couple fighting in the distance. "What are you thinking Blair?" 

"I wish we were them. Then everything would be easier." He turned to look at the man he loved. "Jim....I'm dying here. I need to get out of Cascade." 

The instant need to vomit overshadowed all other needs. Jim tried to gulp down air. This was not happening. It couldn't be. He concentrated on Blair again. "What are you saying?" 

"I'm saying I feel like I can't breathe. I lift up my hands and they hit the buildings next to me. I can tune out sounds and people....I'm tense. I need to be able to relax. I need to leave." Jim was silent a long while. "I'm sorry, Jim. I'm so sorry." 

"So that's it then? You're just going to walk away? I thought you said you were happy with us. I thought you weren't leaving." 

"I'm not. Not really. I want you to come with me. Take a leave of absence. I'll show you where I did some of my studies. We can do tests in the real jungle. They may be different than in the city." His excitement level was building. 

"Whoa, whoa....slow down there, love. I can't just....." He stopped and looked at Blair. Really looked. When did Blair grow so pale? He looked thin too. All this time, I thought I had you in my hands. I thought I could hold on to you. You're slipping away-- been slipping away. And I never saw it. "Let me talk to Simon. Maybe I can take some personal days and add them to a vacation. Maybe I could get a solid month." 

"Only a month.....but it will still be winter when we get back." 

"Spring, hon. And you can't expect to have them let me go for so long.....we're understaffed......" He trailed off when he realized Blair was back in his head. He scooted closer to Blair and let his hand fall onto his lover's knee. "My love....please understand." 

"I love you, Jim." 

"I know. I know." 

"I can't take this. I feel like a cactus in the arctic. You can set up heat lamps....you can cover me in plastic....but sooner or later....Can't you just tell Simon it's a Sentinel thing and you *have* to go." 

"I can't lie like that." 

"Not even for me?" 

"That's not fair, Blair." 

"Then...." he froze with a look of horror on his face. 

"Then what?" Blair shook his head sending twisted curls flying in all directions. "C'mon, baby. You were going to say something. Just go with it." Blair stared intently at the ground. Small shudders passed from his body to Jim's. "C'mon, little one....spill it or I'll tickle it out of you." He was trying to be breezy about it, but he felt so opposite. 

So quietly, "I love you." 

"I know that," Jim soothed. "But what were you going to say?" 

"My heart hurts so bad." Blair whispered. He stopped fighting it, and let his eyes water. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Jim gathered him up, not caring who might be watching. 

"Shhh, baby. It's okay." He gently rocked back and forth. "Shhh. Hush, little one. What is it? I can't understand if you're crying." Your tears knock out my concentration. If you stop crying, I'll give you whatever you want. My arm, my leg, my heart, anything you want-- take it. 

"I'm leaving, Jim....whether or not you come with me. But I want you to come with me. Please, Jim. Please, Please...oh please, Jim...please come with me...please...." He trailed off until his lips made the words without sound. He was like a man praying to a saint. Please grant me this prayer, and I'll give you anything. 

Jim just held him.....but Blair had slipped....slipped right out of his hands. They were sitting so close he could smell Blair's tears-- taste them with the tip of his tongue. But he and Blair were miles from each other. Blair released his hand to wipe at his face. Oh, Blair, he thought-- I thought I could hold on to you.   
  


* * *

Blair made it as far as his car when the panic attack hit. Suddenly the air around him pulled back, making this incredible bubble of nothing. Yet taking a deep breath was the last thing on his mind. All he could think of was Simon saying he hoped Jim's new guide was more deserving than he. Jim would never replace him. Would he? Oh yeah, he thought, maybe it would be good if I breathed right about now. He concentrated on simple things to ease his mind-- went over a mental checklist. 

Water my office plant before it gets up for a bottle of Perrier itself. Jim gave me that plant. Back up my home page before the server burps and it gets swallowed. Jim says I'm addicted to my laptop, and should take it to bed instead of him. Tape the tribal art documentary on PBS. Can't watch it because Jim wants to explain the joys of hockey to me *yet* again. Call Charlie to see if he can return my book. Jim hates Charlie. I think he's jealous. He found he was smiling. Ah, Jim. What am I doing to myself. 

Why can't I just stay? Why am I leaving? Sure Cascade is crowded and awful, but the loft is home. Jim's there. Jim makes it a home like I've never had. How can I just leave that. Besides, no one gets it like Jim. No one knows what wavelength I'm running on. He picked at his lip. What kind of compromise? What would make them both happy? Jim makes me happy. Cascade doesn't. Where's the compromise in that? He shook his head clear of the thoughts there, then headed home.   
  


* * *

Jim knew Blair was home. He could smell the clunker Blair drove three blocks away. Even after it's last smash up, Blair had refused to give it up. ~~"I love this car, man. It's a classic." "No, Chief, it's a death trap and an accident waiting to happen." "But we've been through so much together. Besides....it has the bigger backseat."~~ Blair had won that round. 

Jim tracked Blair's progress up the stairs. Heard him pause outside the door-- mutter, "Duh. Like he doesn't know I'm here.", then coming in. Jim didn't turn around. He stood on the balcony, letting the soft rain chill him, and just opened himself to Blair. 

His young lover always smelled like an exotic fruit salad. He teased Blair about once, and the little goblin had replied, "Then eat me." He chuckled softly to himself. Behind that cocoon of scent though was "Blair"-- Tangy-sweet, hint of salt. Mmmmm....he tasted like that to. Blair always tasted of sweet teas and spiced meats. It was as if he was always seducing his own body with himself. 

A small weight pressed against his back, and Jim leaned back into Blair's arms lightly. "Hi, lover. Long day? Mine was. Had a doozy of a fight with the guy I was in love with-- I was miserable the rest of the day." 

"I'm sorry about that, Jim." 

Ellison quickly turned and gathered Blair in his arms. "Oh no, baby. I was only trying to tease you. Trying to make it light." 

"Yeah well, it's not like I didn't deserve that." 

"Hush. No guilt. No fighting. I made a good dinner, have a good wine-- and we're only going to relax tonight. Only us and the loft exist." 

"Only the loft and us have ever existed." Jim led Blair to the table. Blair hadn't noticed the gift yet, and Jim made no motion to make him aware. 

They ate immersed in light conversation. Updates of campus and department gossip, where Blair was in his research, and some disgusting smell Jim couldn't get out of his desk (but blamed on Blair) were passed about. The bottle of wine was emptying, and carefully constructed walls came down. Blair told Jim about a new section on his home page with a journal of "Thoughts from the Mind of Blair". Jim had teased that it must be a small section. Blair told him about an entry where he said Jim was so important to him. Jim had given him a dopey smile. Blair had tickled Ellison's palm, and Jim had kissed the inside of Sandburg's wrist. 

Some how they ended up on the couch entwined. Blair was placing soft kisses along Jim's jaw, while the older man caressed his back under his shirt. "I love you Jim. I..." Jim cut him off with a kiss. 

"I love you too, little one. But that and some quiet begging are all I want to hear from you tonight." He pulled Blair's backside down to him, forcing their pelvises to grind hard together. "Understand me?" Blair didn't answer with words, just a soft groan in Jim's ear. 

Jim sat up-- still holding Blair, and brought them both to standing. "Upstairs. I want to show you how much I love you." Blair shivered at the words. Jim could be as tender as could be fierce. It had surprised him at first. No one had ever looked at him with such love, or had been so gentle. Those sessions always ended with Blair feeling incredibly loved....worshipped. Could he give that up? 

Naked in bed with Jim, Blair couldn't picture himself in a jungle. He couldn't picture himself anywhere but with Jim, in *their* bed. A long sensuous kiss ending with a nibbled bottom lip. Fluttering butterfly kisses to his eyelids, forehead, nose, and chin. Another breath stealing kiss. "...love you, Jim." Jim's breathy reply hummed in his ear. Every inch of his body-- neck, shoulders, arms, chest-- kissed in reverence, licked with a pointed tongue. 

Weave me a spell, thought Blair. Weave me a spell with all the answers. Chant love, and music, and breath, and tears until they braid into a rope around me. Tie me to you. Pull it tight. Pull me into you. Weave me into what you are. Keep me. Love me. Break away my barriers. Weave me a spell. Sentinel into guide. Guide into sentinel. Weave us into one person. Weave me a spell. 

Jim moved inside of him. He was strong, gentle, and loving. His member completed a circuit, that ignited a fire that started at Blair's groin, and moved outward. His lover gently stroked him between silkened fingers. Everything Blair ever needed or wanted was in him. He burst open like a newly freed butterfly, his seed emptying on them both. He could feel Jim's release. Blair felt the warmth as it traveled....feeling it travel all the way to his heart. 

Jim rolled, taking Blair with him, until he was on his back with Blair nestled in his arms. He let out a great contented sigh. "I love you, little one." 

"I love you too."   
  


* * *

Sometime around midnight, Blair awoke with a familiar need. He carefully untangled himself, pausing when Jim lazily opened one eye to regard him. It rolled back as his lid slipped shut, and Blair was amazed at his ability to fall back to sleep so quickly. He padded naked down the stairs to the bathroom. Wish there was one upstairs, thought Blair. One of these nights, one of us are going to fall down the stairs and break our necks. 

On the way back, he stopped to gaze into the refrigerator. He wasn't hungry, he wasn't thirsty. He didn't know what he wanted. Grimacing, he saw dinner still on the table. He cleared the dishes as quietly as he could. Maybe if I clear these now, Jim will clean them in the morning, and I won't have to. He was getting the glasses when he noticed the gift. He quickly slipped off the ribbon and unrolled the paper. It took a moment to realize what he was holding. 

An ache squeezed his heart, and all his air went out of him. He covered his mouth to keep from gasping, and a tear slipped from his eye. This is wrong. What have I done? His shoulders were shaking. Warmth overtook him as Jim gathered him up from behind. "Shhh...it's okay. It's okay." Blair turned and threw his arms around Jim's neck. "Shhh, my love. I'll fix it." They stood there in the dark, and the dark was within them.   
  


* * *

"What is it, Blair? What's wrong? Tell me and I'll fix it." Jim didn't understand why his lover was crying. What had happened? He had left the bed, then.... 

"This!" Sandburg answered shaking the letter. "You're resigning your position at the department? Why?" Jim looked from his gift to his love. Was *this* making the lithe body shake so. 

"I haven't turned it in...yet. But if you go, little one, then I'm following. I finally have in my life someone who makes me whole-- and you expect me to give that up? Not a chance. If you go, then I'll be hot on your beautiful heels." Jim wiped away the last of Blair's tears. 

"But you're a sentinel. You protect. You were meant to be a cop. You can't just leave." Blair felt himself spiralling down a long tunnel. My fault. This is my fault. He's doing this because of me. Why does he care what I do? "What about Simon?" 

"What about him? Simon will replace me with another detective, and when he calms down-- maybe he'll come visit me in my new jungle home." He smiled at the thought. Simon of the Jungle. 

"That's not funny." Why are you doing this to me, Jim? Don't you think I feel guilty enough. 

"Blair, love....listen to yourself. I'm a sentinel. I'm meant to protect-- be a cop. Well, you're a guide. You're supposed to watch out for me-- be a teacher. You are *my* guide. If you feel you have to go off to the jungle, maybe it's because you're supposed to lead me back there. I mean, crazier things have happened to us." Jim sighed, seeing he was getting no where. "You guide me, little man....and I follow after you, making *our* home safe. Where ever you are is home for me. It's just that simple." 

"I can't let you do this for me." Wasn't this what I wanted? Wasn't I pushing him in this direction? 

"There's not much you can to do stop me." Blair looked rather contrite, which made him that much more delicious to Jim. To hell with this. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Just let me be damned by this devil. 

"What if you leave, and something happens to Simon? You'll feel guilty for not being there for him." 

"What if you leave without me, and something happens to you? I'll feel guilty then too. I'd feel more than guilty. I'd be lost." 

"Would you stop already! I'm not that important enough for you to base this huge decision on." Jim stilled. A mental switch had been flipped. 

Okay. I've heard the cluephone. I'm picking up. Hello, I'm a moron. "What did you say?" He concentrated on Blair's lips. He could count the number of puckers from one corner of his mouth to the other. 

"I said, 'I'm not that important...'" Jim pushed Blair away and paced the room-- a panther in a cage of hard reality. Just when I have everything figured out. 

"Is this what's wrong? You don't feel important to me? Is this why you're leaving?" He stopped pacing and looked to Blair. Sandburg had a confused air about him. He doesn't understand why I'm not "getting it". 

I'm not important to anyone, Jim. It's been swell, but... "No, love. I just feel like it's time to move on. That's all." 

"Because you don't feel like there's anything holding you here, right? Simon was right!" Jim was excited. Now we're getting somewhere. 

"No, that's not right. I just need to move on. I need a change." Please just drop this. Please. I'm heartless. I'll hurt you. 

"He said, 'A gypsy is a gypsy, because there's nothing to hold them in one place.' You think I don't care enough." Hurt crept into Jim's features. He needed to know. Did Blair really think Jim didn't care enough? Blair, his mind whispered, how could you doubt me? How could you doubt us? 

"Jim, I *know* me. That's not the reason! I know you care." Care enough to take me to bed. I'm worth that much. But really, let's be serious. Look at me, look at you. 

"Then why are you leaving?" Ellison began advancing on his young lover, anger in his movements. He had to know. No more walls. No more allowances. Too much was at stake. 

"I told you, Jim." A step back. I'm not worth your anger. 

Tell me! Say you don't doubt all my love for you. "Why, Blair? The real reason-- why are you leaving?" A step forward. I need you to say you understand my feelings-- never doubted my love. 

"Please, Jim. I told you already. There is no other reason." Another step back. Just let me go, before we both regret this. 

Anger in his voice now, "Why are you leaving, Blair? I want the truth, damn you!" Another step forward, this one forcing Blair against the kitchen island. Ellison locked Blair in place with two thick arms on either side of his hips. His eyes bore into the trembling man. You are so important to me-- precious to me, cherished in my heart. I've given you my life. Don't throw it back in my face. Tell me what you aren't saying, so I can tell you what I'm not saying. 

Sandburg on his part, was trying to look anywhere but at Jim. He could feel the anger rolling off the bigger man in waves. They crashed against him, making him reel back and forth. "I'm just....I need...ah,uh..." He didn't know what he needed to say. 

Blair felt sick. Seasick. He felt as if he had been taken away from stable land, and left to drift in some formless place without purchase. One step forward and I drown. One step back and I drown. There's nothing to hold onto. Air tasting like salt. I'm a boat rocked by waves. I'm a wave battering against the tide. I'm stretched so thin, I can reach out and touch the horizon. Somebody save me, I like drowning. 

Jim's face inched closer to his. Oh gods, he mind screamed, what was I thinking! I'm nothing compared to him. What could I ever offer? What is there in me worth saving? 

"Have I ever lied to you, Blair?" 

"N-No." 

"Then when I tell you I love you, do you believe me?" 

"Y-Yes." 

"Then why do you assume, you're not important to me-- not important enough to base my life on?" Blair shrugged. "Answer me so I can hear you!" 

"I don't know. I'm just not. Don't yell at me." 

"Don't yell at you?" He was stunned by the wounded tremor in Blair's voice. "Don't yell....of course. You're right. How mean of me." He stepped back, and Blair's shoulders relaxed slightly. "One should never yell at a child." I'm going about this wrong. 

"I'm not a child." 

"You're acting like one." 

"Fuck you." He moved to walk away, when Jim roughly grabbed his wrist and pulled him close. 

"Oh, we're not finished here. You can't just run away and pout over this, little boy. This is too important to just sweep around it." 

"Let go, you ape!" 

They proceeded to struggle in an odd dance of tug-of-war. Blair pulled at his captured hand, and Jim squeezed tighter, yanking him off balance easily. Sandburg tried to break contact by straining away-- leaning all his weight into the effort. But Ellison pulled him into an embrace without a labored breath. Both men grappled to get a better hold, one to push away-- the other to hold tighter. In the end Jim, being the stronger and calmer of the two, held a squirming Blair in a bear hug. He refused to let go. He was St.George holding the dragon's tail. Blair fought like a wild thing-- hair streaming like snakes, odd growling sounds, nails as weapons, vicious kicks, nasty pinching bites. All the while, tears streamed down both their faces. 

Jim let him fight. He let Blair rip his skin-- make him bled, make him suffer. I can feel you now, at least. Where have you been, baby? Why did you leave? He felt blood trickle from a bite on his earlobe. It didn't hurt. No specific part hurt. He was just pain-- walking pain in human shape. Jim Ellison had never felt so bad. Send in some thug to beat me, I can take it. Divorce me a thousand times Carolyn, I can take it. Take my badge Simon, I can take it. I just can't take this anymore. I can't. I won't. 

Lemmegolemmegolemmegolemmego. Bite you. Kick you. Hurt you. Go away. Go away. ImsorryImsorryImsorry. Not worth it. Horrible me. Terrible person. Not human. Lemmegolemmegolemmego. Scratch you. Bite you. Make you hate me. Blair went round and round in his head. He was a dog chasing his tail, knowing it had a death grip on his butt. If only he could just close his eyes, and wake up ten years from now-- or ten years earlier. I need to go....I need inside myself. I need to find the quietest spot so I can hear my own thoughts. I need Jim. I need him, but do I want him? Does he need me? Who cares? Who cares about anything? Anyone, anyone? No hands. Didn't think so.   
  


* * *

Sandburg had been still for about five minutes now. Jim was holding him up, keeping him from falling. The student was as limp as a wet towel-- his head lolled on Jim's shoulder, his arms dangled at his sides. They were both breathing heavy and ragged. Neither knew what to say. Jim had never seen Blair like that-- so wild. Blair hated himself, and couldn't bear to have someone look at him. Couldn't bear to have Jim look at him. Minutes passed. Jim's arms were cramping. He cleared his throat. "Blair?" Silence. He sighed and tried again. "Blair?" What the hell was that? 

"Yeah?" Oh gods, here it comes. 

"Are you done?" Are we done? 

"I'm sorry." So incredibly sorry. 

"Yes, but are you done?" I need to make a decision. 

"Yes." So sorry. 

Jim lifted Blair slightly and waddled over to the couch. He deposited a naked Blair there none to gently, then walked out to the balcony. He was nude....it was cold. He didn't care. Ellison knew something powerful had just occurred. He just wasn't sure what, and he was sure Blair would have no idea. Where was that blasted panther when he really needed him? He listened to Blair on the couch. He was still lying there, half-dazed-- half-asleep from the struggle. Finishing tears were trailing down to his chin. Jim could smell them. 

What do I do now? He felt like shaking Blair. Taking him by the shoulders and giving him a real stiff, head flopping shake. He wanted to slap him. Slap him hard enough to wake him back up from his own little world. Jim just wanted Blair to hurt as bad as he hurt at that moment. He was raw inside and out. There was a paddle upstairs. It had been a gag gift from Blair. Right now he wanted to use it-- beat into Blair how betrayed and angry he felt. 

However, might doesn't make right, and Jim knew he could really hurt the young man, if he lost his temper. If I ever got to the state Blair was in, Sandburg would be in the hospital. Simon would have to lock me up for assault with deadly intent. He shuddered. 

"Jim?" Blair was calling from the couch. "People can see you out there. Come back in." His voice sounded watery and wounded. His throat was probably raw. "Jim? Please, I'm sorry. Please come back in?" 

"Would you relax? No one's out here. It's after 2am, Blair, almost 3. Everyone's asleep." He listened to the street to make sure, just in case. No need to have Simon called because his detective was flashing the general public. 

"How could anyone sleep through that?" Blair asked softly. They both knew what THAT was. Jim turned around and slowly made his way to the couch. Blair was still lying there, his eyes closed. A bruise was forming on his left bicep, and around both wrists. 

Jim winced knowing he made those. Then he remembered his own battle scars. "Go get some first aide stuff from the bathroom." It wasn't a request. He was suddenly to tired to move. He sank down into the chair and closed his eyes. 

Blair sat up and looked at his lover. Jim was a mess-- blood, bruises, scratches. He looked like he had caught a wet cat by the wrong end, and then was beat by a roaming gang of bears. How was he going to explain this at work? 

"I said go get some supplies," Jim snapped. "Stop staring and do as you're told." Blair jumped up and scurried away. He was in trouble. He was in big trouble. On the way to the bathroom, he prayed to ever God he knew. 

Blair retrieved the needed supplies and returned post haste. No need to add to the fire of tonight-- five alarmer as it was. The loft was hot and humid-- steam from the quenching of inflamed blood. The silence was the eerie quiet, victims reflecting on what was lost in a split second. All they needed was rescue people weaving about to make it a real scene. 

Jim tracked Blair crossing towards him, and opened his eyes as he neared. Blair froze, as he intended, with a blush creeping over his fine features. "That's right. You be ashamed." He snatched away the gathered stuff, and began at his legs. 

He cleaned out the small scratches from Blair's toe nails, then patted them dry. He glanced up to see where Blair had moved to. He was in front and off to the side slightly, on his knees. "Here," He handed some gauze to Blair. "I'll clean up my chest and arms, you do my back." Blair winced, but complied. 

"I'm so sorry, Jim." Please don't kill me. 

"Don't talk to me yet. I'm too angry right now." How do I deal with this? What would I have done if Carolyn had did this? 

"Okay. I'm just sorry." I messed up big time, and I'm going to die. He's a cop, he knows where to bury my body 

Jim had gotten most of his chest, and all of his arms-- by the time he thought he could talk sanely. "Blair, you almost done?" 

"Yeah." Here it comes. Let it be quick and painless. Jim grasped his wrist and pulled him around in front of him. Sandburg couldn't bring himself to look him in the eyes. 

"Look at me, Blair." The young man shook his head negatively. "Please, little one?" Blair looked at him. "Come here." He motioned to his lap, and Blair let himself be settled down in protective arms against a broad chest. Jim tucked his head under his chin, and stroked the soft curls. "That was really intense. I never saw you so angry before." 

"I'm sorry, Jim. I don't know why I did it." 

"Well now, I think I'm partly to blame for that." 

"No you aren't. You didn't ask to be torn apart like that. I'm really sorry it happened." 

"Why are you sorry? Are you sorry you vented your anger that way, or because you showed anger?" 

"That I attacked you like that." 

"Okay...then you're forgiven for that." 

"But Jim..." 

"Ut...hush, I'm not done. Now, why were you angry?" 

"You were holding me and wouldn't let go." 

"Try again, Blair. I got all night." Blair was silent for a moment, and Jim thought he'd have to prod the answer from him. 

Softly, almost a whisper, "You said I was important enough to base your life on." Jim let out a sigh. Bingo. 

"I still feel that way." 

"But Jim...." 

"Hush....no rebuttles tonight." Blair stilled his protest. "Why would somebody saying that make you angry?" 

"It just does." 

"Why?" 

"It just does. Can we move on?" Jim tightened his grip around his lover, just in case he was planning to jump away. 

"We need to talk about this. We need to drag out every hidden emotion in you to look at, because then they won't look so scary inside you anymore. No more running away from it. No more swallowing it inside yourself. I don't want to walk in here and see a brooding angel on our couch." 

"What if I don't want to talk to you?" 

"Don't you want to stay at my side? Don't you want to be loved thoroughly each day?" 

"I've always wanted that." 

"Well, it's all this garbage sitting inside you, that's telling you to leave. You're so afraid of being happy, so ashamed of it-- that you can't let yourself be." 

"When did you become the smart one?" 

"Don't push you luck there, lover. Now....back to the point which you led me away from. Why did you become angry at me for saying you were that important to me." 

Blair thought out his options. He could try to bolt. Jim was holding pretty tight though. It could end up like the struggle before. Maybe then, Jim wouldn't be so forgiving afterwards. Jim lightly squeezed him. Nope-- not that way. He could lie his ass off. He was good enough to get by Jim at times. Spin some tale, let things calm, and then take off. Jim kissed his temple. Jeez, I beat him up, get away with it, and am going to lie to him? I *am* a bastard. What does that leave me with? The truth? Oh well, if it's bad enough, maybe he'll give up on me anyway. 

"You still with me, little one?" 

"How can you call me that after tonight? If I were you, I'd be using names a lot less nice." 

"Good thing you're not me then, huh? I call you that because your spirit is so much larger than your body." 

"No it's not. And it sounds like a height thing. Not as bad as little man though. I hate that." 

"Why didn't you ever say so?" 

"Because the look behind it was always so full of love." 

"I'm always filled with love for you. But if something bothers you tell me. I just won't call you little man then, or the other." 

"Oh you can call me little one....sometimes I like it." 

"What else do you like?" 

"'Baby', but only when you first walk in the door. You know, 'Hey baby, I missed you today.' That always gets me all warm." He felt Jim smile against his forehead. "I like 'Chief', just because it was what you first called me. I like 'my love'. It makes me tingle...or 'lover' too. I like 'sweetheart', and I like when you call me for nothing and say, 'hey darling, got a minute to indulge me.' But mostly I love it when you call me Blair. Even when you're angry with me. Because you never say it alot, but when you do-- you say my name like it means joy inside you." They held onto that moment awhile, letting it stretch. 

"You ready to talk to me yet, Blair?" 

"I think so." 

"Still the anger issue....you've been avoiding it." 

"I know. I'm sorry." 

"Don't be sorry....just talk to me." 

"It was, why do I get angry for you thinking I'm important, right?" 

"Yup. Go on. I'm listening." 

"No one's ever thought I was important. No one. My dad obviously didn't. My other relatives left me to be drug around. My mother breezed through life and relationships, never once caring how it would affect me. Her lovers never thought much of me. Why do you think I've been in therapy so much? Because I like it? I was trying to figure out why I should be important to me, if I wasn't to anyone else." 

"Then it's a matter of trust. You don't trust in what I'm telling you, that you are important," Jim commented. 

"Probably. But I also don't trust myself to know if someone *is* telling the truth. I mean, no one has-- so where's my comparison. And you can say, 'well I'm it.', and I can believe you. But in a year or two, when you're tired of me and end it, I'll be shattered in a million pieces." 

"So then, even if I tell the truth, I'm lying? That's not right." 

"I know. That's why I was so angry." 

"Okay then, how do we fix it?" Blair shrugged. 

"Therapy?" He chuckled at the old stand-by in his life. 

"Well what guarantee do I have that you'll stick around. I mean, you were pretty adamant about leaving." He waited for the answer. "Huh? If I think you're important enough to me that I need you-- then I should be at least important enough for you to stay and see this through." 

"Where do I go when you're done with me?" 

"Blair, that's not fair. You're not even giving me the benefit of the doubt. I *LOVE* you. That is so clear to me, that there is no room in me to question it." He tilted the young face up to him. "I'm the sentinel you are my guide....we're partners, friends, and most important in my heart-- you are my mate, lover, kindred spirit, other half of my soul, and any other word that could apply. I would fight off the world to keep you happy, safe, and at my side. In this lifetime, it's my job to make you feel incredibly loved and give you the moon. All you have to do is believe I love you, trust in that, and love me back." 

"You make it sound so easy." 

"It is that easy. You hang the moon for me kid. You sneeze and I'm enraptured by the motion. You walk into the room, and everything else melts into a formless background. You are *it*. I have never connected to anyone else, the way I connected to you. You won't go anywhere....because I won't let you. Ever." 

"I wish I could believe." I wish I could just hand my life over to you. I do. Could I really make the leap of faith? 

"I wish I knew how to help you believe. I'm so sure in my love for you....that feels so good inside. It's so big, I'm taller for it." He chuckled low in his chest."It's a great freedom to know that you have *the* person for you in your life." He smoothed Blair's hair back, kissed the temple again. "You're finally off the adrenaline high. Your heart was beating so fast before....it scared me." 

"Sorry." 

"Don't be. I like to worry over you. It's my joy." 

"Don't you mean job?" 

"No. It's my joy. You're not something I have to love, you're someone I want to love." 

"I love you too." 

"I know you do. I just wish you believed I love you." 

"How could you do that? Reach in my head and fix it?" 

"No. You have to reach in and fix it." They were quiet for awhile. Jim knew before Blair even, that Sandburg wasn't going anywhere. He just reveled in the warm body sitting in his lap. Blair let the feeling of Jim invade him. He wanted to soak him through his skin. The soft pets of his hair were dreamy, and he drifted off with only Jim on his mind.   
  


* * *

Ellison woke around seven am. His body had an internal clock, that didn't acknowledge weekends. As Blair would say, "Man, that sucks!" Thinking of his guide, he gazed down at the young man in repose. He seemed so peaceful now. So unlike the person who had exploded in his arms. The young man stirred slightly, but Jim gently massaged his fingers through his hair and he settled. It was the trick Ellison had used last night, before carrying his guide to bed. 

Jim traced a long finger down the bridge of Blair's nose, then ran the fingertip along the puckered skin of the young man's lips. God, he's beautiful. Painfully, he thought of how he had compared Blair to a wild flower. Will I kill you making you stay? I've never been a gardener before-- I just let everything die around me. He nuzzled Blair fondly. I'll care for you. I'll make sure you're happy here. Jim curled around Blair's form, and drifted back to sleep.   
  


* * *

When Jim woke the second time, he was alone in the bed. Blair's spot was still warm though-- he hadn't left too long ago. Opening his senses like a fishing net, he dragged the apartment until he heard Blair out on the balcony. Jim pulled on some slacks, and headed downstairs. "Blair?" 

The grad student didn't answer, so Jim went to his side, and kneeled down to his level. "Blair, love? You all right? Want breakfast?" Sandburg shook his head negatively. Jim noticed a book lying in Blair's lap and nodded towards it. "What's that?" 

"A book." 

"I know that, smartass. What's it about?" 

"It's a book of poems. My mom gave it too me when I was in high school. I was a big nerd then." 

"What's changed?" 

"Oh, ha. That's real funny. I'm laughing my ass off on the inside." He looked irritated, but not much so. 

"Relax, little one. I was teasing you. Forgot it's your time of the month." 

"Roast! That was harsh. Someone is going to have a really bad weekend, if they keep it up." 

"Okay, okay," Jim capitulated. "My bad. I'm being a dork." 

"You said it, not me." 

"What are you reading, sweetheart." 

"Blair, little one, love, sweetheart....I get it man. You love me." He tapped his heart. "I get it." Jim lightly cuffed the back of his head. "I'm going over a poem by Kipling. It's called 'The Feet of Young Men'. It's about a young man who has this need to wander, and never stays in one place for long. He goes off and travels about with a companion. Sometimes he calls the guy, 'one able long-shore loafer that I know'. Other times, 'a trusty, nimble tracker that I know'." 

"I see a similarity building here. Does it have a happy ending?" 

"Funny you should ask. There's a chorus for most of the poem that reads, '...He must go--go--go away from here! On the other side of the world he is overdue. `Send your road is clear before you when the old Springfret comes o'er you, And the Red Gods call for you...' It reads like that, because the 'Springfret Lad' is alone." 

"And?" 

"The last chorus is written about the two of them together. '...*We* must go--go--go away from here! On the other side of the world we're overdue!...' " 

"So they leave to go of together?" 

"Yeah." 

"What does this mean to us, that you're sharing this?" 

Blair shrugged unsure of how he was going to word his thoughts. "That's what I've been trying to think through." 

"Well, what has been going through that handsome head of your's?" 

"I think it means...not the poem, but my thoughts...that I've travelled place to place physically with many people, and by myself. And that since I've been with you, I've still travelled, but *within* myself to places I needed to visit. Each day with you is an adventure-- and each hurdle we've overcome has been together. I need to finish this journey before I start another, or before I end my travels altogether....before the 'Red Gods call for me', so to speak." 

Jim was taken aback for a moment. "I don't know what to say, Blair. I'm speechless at the moment." Sandburg turned to him, an ernest look to his features. 

"Tell me you forgive me for putting you through all the drama. I'm so sorry I went crazy last night, and for making you think I was leaving. I feel really bad for it." 

"I already forgave you for last night. And the rest....forget about." 

"Just tell me again. I need to hear it again, so I know you aren't really angry. I'm so afraid I messed up for keeps." Jim pulled him off his chair to kneel with him-- then embraced him close enough to feel Blair's heartbeat against his chest. Oh little one, you can't chase me off so easily. 

"You're forgiven for last night. You're forgiven for the past couple days. You're forgiven for every future moment you forget how much I love you. Because sometimes we get caught up in events that aren't our fault, and I'll always be there-- to tell you I care, to squeeze your hand, to wipe your wet cheeks. Never doubt that. I'm not angry with you. I only feel, have only ever felt, a great love for you." 

Gentle wetness soaked Ellison's shoulder. Cleansing tears this time, without the fear or anger mixed in, fell in small streams. "I'm sorry." Blair whispered. The fool is one who is unaware of a new position in life. I know now. 

In the same hushed tones, "You don't have to be, love." He kissed Blair's forehead. "We'll find a way where we'll both be happy. I've only ever wanted us to be happy together." 

The cool morning air was warming with the new sun. The loft was a dark cavern behind the two men, and was infinitely small for them right then. Their souls were too inflated by such grand emotions, so the balcony was a safe refuge. But when they stood to go inside, both stood taller and seemed much brighter.   
  


* * *

  
Epilogue  


* * *

Green. It was the color of things new, spring, and rebirth. It quieted a restless, nagging heart. It seeped into things until it was a part of everything. Inside, outside-- I'm green, Blair thought. I'm reborn. 

He and Jim were surrounded by trees of all sizes. Thin, and thick, and high into the sky they stretched. His mind began to reel. "Oh Jim, I'm...." 

"Not yet, baby," Jim rasped. "Hold on." Ellison changed his position slightly, and Blair's eyes glazed over. He had been trying to keep this going as long as possible, changing rhythms and positions to draw it out. *SO* many times Blair had been on the brink, and each time Jim had pulled him back, only to dangle him there again. He thrust possessively now, feeling the heavy throb in Blair that would no longer be denied. 

"J-Jim...love you." 

"What else, darling?" 

"Yours...." 

"Always?" 

"Oh God, yes! Jim!" He came in thick hot pulses, his seed spreading across his belly and down his sides. Jim stiffened with a moan, then collapsed on him. They had died-- touched by something so pure and outside of themselves. Opening wider around themselves, they grew until they were a part of the forest around them-- nutured by the energy of raw nature. Blair drew a harsh breath. His throat was sore and dry. "That was incredible. I think all the water left my body." 

Ellison chuckled deeply. "That was pretty good. Wasn't it?" 

"Any better, and we'd be squirrel meat." 

"That's a pleasant thought." He rolled off Blair, knowing he was crushing him. "How 'bout we go in and refuel?" 

"That would require me getting up off the ground. That's a little much to ask right now." He turned and snuggled into Jim's side. 

"I would agree, but I have a twig sticking me..." 

"I don't want to know," Blair said then burst out laughing. He rolled to his feet, helping Jim up when he was steady. "You cooking?" 

"I'd like to survive the weekend." 

"Very funny, big guy." 

"Well I thought so." He threw an arm around Blair's waist. "This was real nice. I'm glad we bought the cabin when it was offered." Blair nodded in agreement. One of the other detectives had maintained a one-room hunter's cabin up in the Cascade mountains. It was more of a rustic get away spot, being more than just a shack. There was a satellite dish, hot running water, electricity, and indoor plumbing. It only lacked heat-- which was remedied by a huge fireplace along the one wall. Unfortunately, he was leaving for the east coast and needed to sell. To Jim, it had been a way to compromise with Blair. It was close enough to get to in an hour, but isolated enough to get away. Blair could escape here alone whenever he needed, and it made for a romantic weekend getaways. 

Inside, Blair dropped down on the bed. A happy smile played across his expressive face. "I am so happy right now. I can't believe I was going to give this up." 

"I think you're still the high from the body olympics we were holding." 

"You're so romantic, Jim." Blair accused sarcastically. "I can't possibly deserve you." 

"What can I say. I'm such a great catch." 

"What was that? People look at you and retch?" 

"Hey now. Let's be nice. Don't make me beat you." He joked back. 

"Sometimes I wish you would." Blair answered with a serious tone. Jim turned to him with surprise. 

"Why in earth would you want that?" 

"I don't know." He shrugged. "Sometimes I feel, that after all I did to you...put you through, I got off way too easy." 

Ellison dropped down next to Blair and regarded him through half-lidded eyes. 

"Listen to me, Blair. You're about to launch into some 'why-Blair-is-an-awful-person' speech-- and I'm telling you, I don't want to hear it. I don't believe a word of it. Besides which, you didn't get off easy. You got stuck with my grumpy ass and couple therapy. I *know* how much you like therapy." 

"But I also got a palimony agreement giving me half your stuff, and part of the deed to this place. How is that all fair?" 

"I get half of your crap." Jim offered. 

"Yeah right. My fifty cents and the dust bunny farm. How is that fair?" 

"You know, you're right. That isn't fair." Blair looked at Jim with shock. "Guess you'll have to make up for it by becoming my sex slave." 

"Ji-IM!" 

"What? I can think of worse things to be." 

"But you agree it's not fair?" 

"Blair, my god! Can't you lay off the drama for a little while? There are factors you aren't considering in this equation. Personally...I think you're getting the raw end of it. I'm older than you, demanding, neat-freak incarnate, over-protective, a sex-fiend...shall I go on." 

"No." 

"Good." 

"Yes, but..." 

"I really am going to beat you, if you keep this up. I'll bury you out in the woods, and nooooooo one will find you." He cracked a grin at his lover. 

"Okay, I abdicate the win to you." 

"Yeah! Can we eat now?" 

"What are you hungry for?" Blair teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

"What are you offering?" 

"What do you want?" 

"Where's the menu?" 

"Would you stop being silly!" 

"Is there a wine list?" 

"Jim, I'll tickle you." 

"What kinda restaurant are you running here anyway?" Blair launched himself at Jim, and their laughter could be heard throughout the mountain-- and lasted until they died.   
  


* * *

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